“A Cold Wet Tuesday Night in Stoke” – The International Equivalents

Followers of the British sports media will be familiar with the phrase “a cold wet Tuesday night in Stoke” – or variations on that theme. It means an away match that no visiting player, team or fan particularly fancies; the travel is difficult, the weather is inhospitable, and the home crowd is baying. I wanted to know the equivalent turn of phrase in other countries, so I turned to Twitter to find out…

According to the Stoke Sentinel, the phrase was popularised by then-Sky Sports pundit Andy Gray in 2010 when rumours were circulating that Lionel Messi would come to the Premier League, and has become something of a go-to jibe ever since.

Every league has its least-fancied away fixtures, so here’s what my Twitter network suggested.

Republic of Ireland: Finn Harps FC

Finn Harps FC of the League of Ireland’s second tier is based in Ballybofey, Co. Donegal in Ireland’s north-west. Not only is it a long drive for any visiting fans – especially those of Cobh Ramblers right down on the south coast – but the weather is horrendous. Manchester is famous for its rain, where 810mm falls each year on average, but in Donegal, the average rainfall is 1,387mm. 

When I put the question out to my network, a visit to Finn Harps was pretty much the unanimous answer from Irish followers.

Spain: Osasuna

I was quite surprised by this answer, but plenty of Spanish football watchers say a trip to El Sadar in Pamplona, home of Osasuna, is Spain’s answer to Stoke. I would have thought it would have been Celta de Vigo, or Deportivo La Coruña – both stuck out on Galicia’s blustery Atlantic coast, but no, apparently the atmosphere at El Sadar is red hot. It’s a really tight ground, so the players probably feel the crowd on top of them more than even the bigger closed arenas, like the Bernabéu, San Mamés or Mestalla. 

Just an interesting factoid for you; ‘Osasuna’ means ‘health’ in Basque.

Brazil: Esporte Clube Juventude

Juventude of Brazil’s second tier Série B play at the Estádio Alfredo Jaconi in the southern town of Caixas do Sul. It’s that far south that it’s not far from the Uruguayan border. The Jaconi can hold 23,500 people and in the winter, after a long schlepp, visiting players can find temperatures close to freezing…in Brazil! Even Corinthians suffered a 6-1 reverse here once.

Norway: Hødd Fotball

I invite you to open your preferred map app and look for ‘Ulsteinvik’. The 4,000-capacity Høddvoll Stadion is home to IL Hødd of Norway’s second tier, who won the Norwegian Cup in 2012. Visitors have to face a lengthy drive and ferry ride to Ulsteinvik, they then have to compete in North Atlantic conditions not a million miles from the Arctic Circle. One hell of an away day.

South America: Bolivia

The Estadio Hernando Siles in the Bolivian capital of La Paz is 3,600 meters above sea level. With its thin air, La Paz has been a graveyard of visiting teams for decades. FIFA temporarily banned matches above 2,750 meters in 2007 but later withdrew the rule. When Argentina visited in 2009, Bolivia trounced them 6-1. Despite this apparent home advantage, Bolivia has only qualified for the World Cup once (USA ’94), although the country did appear in 1930 (Uruguay) and 1950 (Brazil) as an invited side.

Other suggestions included FC Wacker Innsbruck (Austria), Jagiellonia Białystok (Poland), Groningen (Netherlands) and Kilmarnock in Scotland for its 4G pitch. In addition, Vestmannaeyjar in Iceland requires a ferry trip from the mainland to a small island and, apparently, few teams in France fancied a trip to Nancy and Lorient while they both had 4G pitches, and the atmosphere at the Corsican clubs can also be a daunting prospect.

Even Thomas Müller knows about Stoke…

Thanks to everyone who made a suggestion, I didn’t write them all up but I am missing candidates from some major leagues, like Italy, Argentina and Portugal, so do please contact me on Twitter with any suggestions.